Simple Times

Some things are worth explaining.

There’s this thing that I’m not proud of, I don’t agree with it, and I wish desperately that I could change it. I think, WAY too much. So much that it makes me act irrationally in certain situations, because I stuff the way that I feel so deep down that something small could trigger months of baggage. It’s unfair to the people around me and I find myself apologizing more than resolving the things I’ve hidden away.

I have been contemplating getting out of town for a while now, experiencing a new town, new people, and a new job. Now that I finally can get that wish, I find myself making thousands of excuses why I shouldn’t go. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do something that benefits yourself, there are times when it is extremely appropriate to do so. I feel so selfish, wanting to move away, leave the one(s) I love behind, and only focus on the spiritual and mental growth of myself. In truth, deep down, I’m more excited than anything… because I’ve never done anything even slightly adventurous when I didn’t know the outcome. I’m graduated now and I’ve never felt more lost than I do now, I never imagined not following the “plan” I had set up for my life. But what about God’s plan for my life? I feel like I’ve completely disregarded that aspect of things all this time. I’m not sure what He wants me to do, and going away and REALLY thinking about it is going to do me a world of good.

As far as relationships go, it’s very possible that things could change, they could end, or they could grow. In all honesty, I’m torn. But all I’m really longing for is a reason to make the most of this trip. If self discovery is something that will better my relationship in the long run, then PLEASE, get me out of this place. I want to be the best version of myself that I can be, I want to be close with God, and be confident in everything that I do.

I get distracted, so I felt like this was worth explaining. If my tendency to over-think simple decisions in life is getting in the way of bettering my relationships with the people most important to me, then that will be my main focus on this trip I’m taking. With God as the center of my life, there should be no room for worry, distrust, sadness, or loneliness. I am going to enter this next phase of my life with confidence, and trust God that He knows exactly what is best for me. Or at least, I’m going to try.