It was your love, that kept me hanging on every word.
I haven’t written an entry in a while. I’ve been thinking a lot though. Recently some interesting things have been happening in my life. This whole positivity turn is truly testing me to the fullest extent. I know God throws obsticles in our way so we can prove to ourselves and others the degree of which our relationship stands with Him. But sometimes it’s hard to see the upside.
At the beginning of this weekend, A very unfortunate circumstance occurred in my life. Something I never expected, or even wanted to expect for that matter. Something I hoped I would never have to deal with again. This time, the saying “The third times a charm” was far from true. This was the third time, it was the third and FINAL chance, and it was out of my control. A very important part of my life disappeared before my very eyes. Although it was important to me, It wasn’t beneficial.. It’s kind of like your appendix, It’s nice to have it, but you’ll survive without it. haha. I made the conscious decision when this happened to stay positive, to see it as something that I would later on be thankful for, and that is definitely what is happening lately. I know God knew what he was doing when that part of me was taken, I know He has better plans for my life, and I am FULLY content with that fact. Sometimes in our lives we get too comfortable. We cling to whatever is familiar and are so scared to leave those things. I, was too comfortable. I was convinced I knew what my life would turn out like. But I was trying to convince myself to be happy with that. I made more than enough excuses for any ones liking, and even my own. The point is, I am trying to force myself to be uncomfortable again, Pushing myself to try the unknown, and trying my hardest to be open minded.
I am scared, however, because so much of me is ready to shut the world out and never trust another person. But I have to trust God, I HAVE TO trust God, I could never stress that enough. Because what is my life without love and trust. Being vulnerable is one of the most terrifying things we can do as humans. Letting our guard down. I will work on this. I will accomplish this. But as for now, I need to be safe, I need to be comfortable, and I know God is working on my heart.
-B.fuller
